


Call it a mercy

by MossyFlossy



Category: The Invisible Library - Genevieve Cogman
Genre: All hurt no comfort, Assisted Suicide, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29858457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MossyFlossy/pseuds/MossyFlossy
Summary: You can't always cure a chaos infestation
Relationships: Li Ming/Ao Shun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 6





	Call it a mercy

Li Ming had to lean on him heavily. Ao Shun kept his arm tightly wrapped around his lover’s hips as he helped him outside, Li Ming barely staggering, stumbling down the steps as they went out into the garden. Li Ming was mumbling something but it was hard to tell what it was that he was saying, he was so rarely lucid that most of the time what he was managing to say was complete nonsense anyway.

“Almost there.” Ao Shun said softly as they walked along a path made of smooth stones.

The night sky was clear, a challenge for the dragon king who wanted nothing more than to let his rage and pain known through a horrendous storm, to give in to the anguish that had been building in him over the past few weeks of watching Li Ming suffer and knowing that there was nothing that he could do about it.

“Love?” Li Ming mumbled, his head lolled against Ao Shun’s shoulder. “Where are we?”

“In the garden.” Ao Shun said kindly. “Remember? You asked me if we could come out here one more time so that you could see the stars again?”

“Oh, yes.” Li Ming tilted his head up to the sky, pale face glowing with the light of the moon.

“Come on, just a little further and then you can lay down and watch them for as long as you want to.” Ao Shun said, he paused to press his lips to Li Ming’s temple, savouring every last touch that he’d be able to get, it hurt but he didn't want to forget a single moment of their relationship, even in the last few hours of it.

It was better this way, he kept reminding himself of that. It wasn't fair to allow Li Ming to suffer just so that he would not lose his lover, to keep him alive when he was in a constant state of pain and delirium, body so wracked and twisted by the perverse chaos magics that he had been infected with that he couldn’t even hold his true form.

“Here we go.” Ao Shun lowered Li Ming to the ground and lay down next to him, there were pillows and blankets already waiting for them, and a picnic basket of food and drinks too. He knew that Li Ming didn't really know what was going on, but he wanted to make sure that he was happy and comfortable in the end.

“Do you know the story of Perseus?” Li Ming asked.

“Tell me about it.” Ao Shun said, not reminding Li Ming that he did indeed know, because it had been Li Ming that had told him it in the first place, the first night that they’d sat together to stargaze, before they had been in lovers, they’d sat there until dawn, in silence most of the time but at one point, Li Ming had started pointing out the obvious constellations and told him of their stories. Or some of their stories.

The stars had different stories across all different cultures and even some of the worlds in which they differed, he hadn't known of Li Ming’s interest in them, until that night. He’d learnt the stories of the stars across the various cultures, read the books and the poems until he knew them by memory.

“He was a great hero to most.” Li Ming rested his head against Ao Shun’s shoulder. “He saved his love Andromeda and they were placed in the skies together, made into the stars by the gods of Olympus.”

“To most?”

“I always liked the story of Medusa.” Li Ming said, he was glassy-eyed as he stared at the stars, their light reflecting across his silver eyes like tiny pinpricks of gold. “Perseus killed her whilst she slept. At least she didn't suffer, I suppose?”

“But Medusa was a monster.”

“Is it ever that easy?” Li Ming breathed and shut his eyes. Ao Shun propped himself up on his elbow so he could lean down and softly kiss Li Ming. Li Ming smiled against his lips, sliding a hand up and into his king’s hair, curling strands of deepest ebony around his snow coloured fingers, not quite pulling but Ao Shun could feel the light pressure of his touch.

The painkillers to stop Li Ming writhing in pain were strong, but they made him confused and nauseated and in one of the few moments of clarity that Li Ming had found, he begged for it to be over. He didn't want to live like that.

Ao Shun had kept waiting though, he wanted Li Ming like that again so that they could actually talk about it properly, and to see if it wasn't just something said out of fear. But it hadn't been, he’d asked again, and then again and Ao Shun had tried to argue, tried to come up with a reason to say no, that he’d get better soon, that he was just in pain for a little while.

But no one had ever survived a chaos infection like this, most had died fast, been put out of their misery or their bodies had just given up. Li Ming had fought though, he’d tried to hold on, but he was exhausted.

Ao Shun had made up his mind to do it himself, he thought of it as a mercy, when Li Ming had asked him if he could go outside to see the stars. He’d been in bed since being returned, hardly able to walk but Ao Shun had said yes in an instance and started making the necessary preparations for his plan.

He’d decided on thiopental. It was meant to be quick and painless. He hoped that it would be, the syringe tucked into an inner pocket until he could bring himself to use it. He just hoped that it was a high enough dosage, all research had been on humans and it took more to drug a dragon than it did a human.

Li Ming sighed and leant against him again. “Did you bring snacks?” Ao Shun couldn’t help but laugh.

“I did.” He sat up. “And wine. Like we did for our first night as a couple. Do you remember that?” Li Ming frowned, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

“I…”

“It’s okay if you don’t.” Ao Shun said softly, he touched Li Ming’s hand. “Don’t worry. We had lots of other nights together, it wasn't just that one.”

“I want to remember it.” Ao Shun helped Li Ming to sit up and pressed a glass of sparkling wine into his hands. He looked down at it. “Is tonight special?” Ao Shun hiccuped.

“Every night I have spent with you has been special.” He gently bumped his glass against Li Ming’s. “Every memory will always be special to me.”

“I don’t want to forget them but…” He trailed off and looked up, smiling at the stars. “I want to remember you. You love me.”

“I do love you.” Ao Shun said, watching Li Ming, storing every little detail of him to memory, photos just didn't quite capture it, the lines of his face as the moon painted them in a silver glow, the way that his hair danced on the slight breeze, the way his lips curled into a lazy smile or the way that he bit them.

“Will it hurt?”

“Will what hurt?” Li Ming swallowed and looked at him, eyes clear of the fog of confusion.

“Dying. Is it going to hurt?” Ao Shun shook his head. “Thank you. For everything.” He put his glass down and took Ao Shun’s to put out of reach too. Then he moved to be sitting right in front of Ao Shun. “I’m ready. I love you.” He could feel tears on Ao Shun’s cheeks as he leant in and kissed him.

The pinprick of the needle going through his skin made him wince but he didn't pull away until he felt breathless. He gingerly touched the back of his neck.

“Let’s lay down.” Ao Shun suggested and Li Ming slowly nodded.

“Don’t let me go.”

“Never.” Ao Shun said as he wrapped Li Ming up into a tight embrace, grateful for the pillows left out for them. “I love you, I have loved you for longer than I realised, and I am going to keep loving you.” Li Ming’s breathing was slowing. He tightened his grip. “I hope that you find your peace again.”

“I always have peace in your arms.” Li Ming’s voice was faint. “I…” He shut his eyes but slowly forced them open again. “I love-” He swallowed with some difficulty. “You. I love you.” Ao Shun ran a hand up and down Li Ming’s spine until he felt his breathing stop. He swallowed back tears as he slowly sat up and lay Li Ming down on the blankets.

His eyes blankly stared up at the stars and Ao Shun shut his eyelids.

“I hope that you find the peace in your stars that I was unable to give you in life."

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh, if you enjoyed this, are you feeling okay?  
> Thank you for reading, comments make my week


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